I am finally going to jump on board with Mama Kat's weekly assignment.
http://mamakatslosinit.blogspot.com/
What am I afraid of?
Being solely responsible for a life 24 hours a day, has a certain fear factor. If I mess up, I am to blame. If Landon is messed up, I am to blame.
I am afraid I won't be able to parent both roles as "Mommy" and "Daddy"
Being a mother is something I can not even describe. Landon has truely changed my life, and I could not possibly fathom life without him. Can I play the daddy role as well? I can throw a baseball, give the sex talk, you know...guy stuff.
I am afraid Landon will never really know his father
I know Landon's dad loves him. I see it, I've witnessed it. I fear him moving to California is going to change everything. I had a great dad growing up, and I am afraid Landon is going to miss out on this. Having a great father is a wonderful thing, and I hope this fear never becomes reality.
I am afraid I will never meet the "one"
Being a single mom, doesn't give me much (ANY) time to have a social life. Landon is 16 months old and hasn't been away from me for more than a daycare day. When I have free time, I am catching up on homework, cleaning, showering, did I mention cleaning. When I do have a rare occurrence to go out, it is to relax, and sadly think how early I will be up the next morning. I realize my time won't come for quite some time to find someone. When I am finished with this degree, and settled where I want to live maybe the opportunity will arise.
I hope so.
With fear, comes hope. With hope, comes love.
5 comments:
Here from Mama Kat's-Oh, my dear sweet wonderful Mother...you are what your son needs. You are caring and concerned. You don't hate his dad. You want the best for him. It will work out, as long as you are careful to watch. Don't over indulge, or give in to make excuses for lack of whatever. Guilt comes with being a Mom...but just do your best. Encourage him to love his Daddy. And you will make him happy, and attract the kind of person just like you!!
Thank you, in all honesty you made my day....:)
Paula, glad you see you posting on writer's workshop!! You have done such a great job with Landon! I know it's tough right now. Things WILL get easier and you WILL have a life of your own someday. Love you and Landon lots!!
That quote is amazing. Love it.
And you are doing something incredible. Your son is so blessed to have you.
Aw, girl. You are AMAZING. Seriously. I have wondered so long how you do it! You don't give yourself enough credit, and there will be someone out there for you and Landon. :)
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